How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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