dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
