this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
