Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
