eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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