we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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