you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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