people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have tasted many bathrooms
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
