Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
