a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i don't like sucking hair
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
