okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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