Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
