You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
