both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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