im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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