fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
