hotel room ftw
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
