I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
