You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
wow bdsm is so cute
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
