im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
