Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
