oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
