I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
