Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
