Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
