What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
