bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
