Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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