The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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