nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
