Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The struggles of a small town man whore
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
