now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
