Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
