so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
