my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
