Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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