I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
