So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Randomize
