I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
