It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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