ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
