would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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