"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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