We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dicks are not precious.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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