Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
