so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
