the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
