I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
