Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
