Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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