im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Send help, water and tortillas.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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