I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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