Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
