I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
