i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you win again, gameday.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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