Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
