the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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