He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
