i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
