Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
