Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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