oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
