I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
