FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
