shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
