Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
