Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
