Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
