At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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