the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize